Often times, humans are presented with opportunities. A new job, a new car, having babies, or other life changing events. Every movement through life presents a choice…presents opportunity.
Life Changing Milestones
I am 30 now. As you know, I got married at 18 and my husband was wounded when I was 19. There were certain milestones I crossed as an adult.
- I got counseling to find the confidence to let go of what other people wanted me to be, and gained then independence to decide how I wanted to move through life.
- I got counseling so I could learn how to help with and respect my husband’s PTSD.
- I then decided to embrace the new him fully and put my heart back out there for him.
- I always leaned to wanting “Trad life ” but I had to let go if what other people wanted of me in order to fully embrace that role. (See my article on rising from the ashes)
I have discovered that through my difficult life, I have become afraid of failure, so I rush things I try already anticipating failure. Or….worse….I don’t try them at all. This fear consumes me. It breaks me. I am sure that because of it, I lose many opportunities for success, my blog being one of them. I seem to make a mistake in being traditional, get down on myself and feel like I am not good enough to share my journey. My response is always “I’m not good enough to have _______). I go so far as to SAY I don’t deserve my husband.
And Then…It Hit Me
But something hit me, right in the heart. My daughter. My beautiful 4 year old daughter. She is amazing. Hang on I’m crying……
She is beyond her years with wisdom, curiousity, compassion, etc. On a daily basis, she blows my mind. Within her, so much potential. Just like I had…HAVE. So sure of her smarts….just like I was. So enthralled with taking things apart to know how and why they work….just like I did (to my parents’ dismay). I try to encourage her. Making a mess? Cool. Let’s do that. Taking something apart? I either suggest something safe or we take it apart together. The best thing I could do, but I am missing….is being the example. I should be proud of myself as I am her. Otherwise, she could begin to doubt her own worth.
Most women, traditional or not believe our children are the future. Leading by example should be a very important aspect of being traditional. I have many flaws, but just now have begun looking through my children’s eyes. This broken woman with zero self worth should not be what they see. This woman who works to the bone to juggle everything should still manage to be a shining example of what a respected and respectable woman should look like.
Every day we have an opportunity to look at ourselves and evaluate. I am in fact taking the day to light some candles, read, and find awareness in this fear and lack of self worth I have. It is clearly having an effect on my husband. He wants the “happy go lucky woman” he married that was just proud to be herself. If it is having an effect on him, imagine the role-modeling I am doing for the children, especially a daughter. Most daughters will emulate what they see in their mother.
So, take some time, ladies, look in the mirror, within your soul and take note of your weaknesses. Especially the ones you dont want to face. Face them. You don’t have to feel alone in this.
Do it for yourself. Do it for your family.
Problems and Plans
Here are my weaknesses followed by corrective action.
- Time management
- Self worth
- Fear of failure
- Make a strict schedule and do my best to follow it. Stay on task. All that I accomplish will be my rewars
- Reverse all negative self talk with a compliment to myself
- Stop being afraid by facing each goal/dream/idea with a YES I CAN and a feasible plan to accomplish the goal. Write it all down. (Sometimes I think I conveniently forget so I dont have to take responsibility for my dreams)
It doesn’t have to be new years to make a change. Feel free to comment below on your struggles, weaknesses, and goals.