Masculinity and What that Should NOT look like

masculinity is more than cigars and whiskey

Masculinity can be a lot of things from the way a man talks and the he carries himself, down to a way a man likes his drinks. But see, a lot of this is open to interpretation and grey area. However, there are certain things that masculinity is not. Yet, some men will make excuses and still call themselves alpha Male. Buckle your seat belts ladies because this might get controversial.

Who Am I to Know?

You might ask yourself. “Well who is Courtney to say what IS and what IS NOT masculine? Look at the struggles she has in her marriage. THEY ARE NOT PERFECT” Well, this article is a product of my life experiences coupled with both my husband’s missteps and triumphs! I will never sit here and pretend my husband is some perfect example of an alpha Male, of perfect masculinity. So, here goes. Please see my related article “Turbulence and Forgiveness” for more detail.

alpha male masculine pretenders
Alpha Male Wolf

Alpha Male Pretenders vs. True Masculinity

I am not here to name names and start some sort of witch hunt. There are married “alpha males” on Twitter. Some of these men are supposed to be leading men on a journey of masculinity, a journey of betterment. However, it seems they do not have a women’s best interest at heart. How can a family be at its best when he places himself first?

One thing I have seen on Twitter is married men asking for demanding a paternity test of his children. Now, if your husband comes to you within the confines of holy matrimony and orders a paternity test for your children…what do you see? I will tell you what I see. I see a man who does not fully trust the wholesomeness and wisdom of his wife. I see a man who has issues with trust. In their justifications, I see someone who does not believe fidelity is something a woman is capable of. Unfortunately, such tweets say more about them, than it does about their wives.

Masculinity and Femininity, Working Together

I do believe men and women have different strengths, not one is “better” than the other. In those strengths, it is them man’s job to lead his woman to betterment. To some that means leading her closer to Godliness, with very defined Christian values. Even in a non religious sense, he is designed to head the household. At least, this is my opinion (which can be very unpopular depending on the crowd).

But, even in a modern “new-age” relationship, asking such things would be a signal of trust issues. Ask any woman, and I assure you, you will get this answer. SUBMISSION DOES NOT EVER MEAN DOORMAT. Ladies, as you know, I encourage you to look to your husband. I encourage you to follow his requests, but I never in good conscience could ever recommend following a “leader” whose decisions are to your detriment. This is not a simple “my husband gave me directions to drive to Point B while he was out of town and he got me lost.” These demands, and his actions can become a defamation in your character.

What Submission is NOT


When a man uses his masculinity to “flex” at a woman, it shows true colors that may be a warning. See my experiences here. Ladies, if you ever feel that a man is making decisions that are absolutely detrimental to your character, your morals, your life, your children’s wellbeing, it is absolutely acceptable to open your mouth. To be brief, submission does not mean that you must destroy your own character, your own soul to be in line with your husband. See more on submission here.

A Woman is a Flower


A woman is as a flower. With the right amount of sun, water, and care…the flower will bloom. The same can be said for a woman. With the right amount of care and leadership, she will blossom!

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