A Maritial Dance Part 1: Why Letting the Man Lead Matters
Let Him Lead…it’s a Dance
The following metaphorical example is a very powerful example to me about marriage. A maritial relationship is a dance. A pair steps in time, trusting the other to stick to their own moves and not step on the other’s feet. One takes the lead while the other follows.
Dancing is an act of two people working together, both with different functions. However, they are equally important. Traditionally, the man will lead the dance.
And, so should it be in life. I think what some people aren’t understanding is that letting your man lead actually empowers you as a woman. This is not about suppression. When the man takes the lead, there is less on your shoulders. When the man has the lead, you will shine. It does not make you any less awesome. Two people are working together, like dancing….not fighting for the limelight.
Trust is Strength
It doesn’t make you weak. It takes a strong woman to trust a man to be the leader of the family. It is only in weakness that a woman chooses to control a man. Heh, I am weak at times myself.
If you allow your man the space to take responsibility for HIS decisions, it will take stress off your shoulders. You will learn to trust that if he loves you he isn’t going to do anything that will damage you or his family in any way. Now, men make mistakes…..like EVERYONE. He is a man, not God.
Those things will happen, but then it is on you to trust that he does the right thing, and when he actually is given that weight to carry, he will most likely do the right thing.
Here is a simple example.
Three weeks ago, Mary told her husband that the budget required an extra $50 for a higher than average electric bill. Her husband, Robert nodded, but only half paying attention. Mary took a breath, trusting in him to do the right thing. She went back to working on her fun quilting project, and he moved to cuddle with her.
Here they are, three weeks later and he had spent the money on luxury seat covers for his car. She came and said, “Hey Robert the electric bill is due, I am going to pay it, I Just want to let you know I am taking $250 from the account to pay it, just so we are both on the same page.
Robert gasped “I thought it was only $200.” He frowned at his own carelessness. “Okay, call the electric company and pay $200 today and I will go donate plasma and have your $50 by the end of the week. I’m sorry dear.”
The pair hugged and went on happily with their day.
Do you see how the responsibility is shifted to the man in a situation where he is allowed to be head of household? She didn’t even have to worry in the first example. He accepted his fault and came up with a solution .
It could have gone like this….
Three weeks ago, Mary told her husband that the budget required an extra $50 for a higher than average electric bill. Her husband, Robert nodded, but only half paying attention. Mary took a breath, and nagged him, “Are you even listening to me? You are not even listening. ” Her tone was stern and mother like. It annoyed him when she acted like his mother. He left the room and went to the computer room as she sat alone, quilting.
Here they are, three weeks later and he had spent the money on luxury seat covers for his car. She came and said, “Hey Robert the electric bill is due, I am going to pay it, I Just want to let you know I am taking $250 from the account to pay it, just so we are both on the same page.”
Robert gasped “I thought it was only $200.” He frowned at how own carelessness, but before he could offer a solution he was bombarded with her anger. “Damn it Robert!!! You don’t pay attention. You never listen. I told you!!!”
He slammed the door angrily as he headed off to work, and she was left to pick up the pieces and somehow make $50.
When a woman acts the way she did in example 2, she lost a chance at a good time with her husband twice because she tried to take control, she chose to lose her mind at him, belittling him, giving him zero space to solve the problem.
What if I work outside the home?
You may work outside of the house, and be queen bee In the business world, or you may stay at home as a domestic godness. And that’s great, I mean…its 2017, things are different. But when you come home, let him lead. Let the man rule the roost. Let him be the final word at home and in your marital affairs.
This isn’t about one person being better than the other. Submission is a dance that allows each person to shine. Submission is not about a man rudely lording over you, that shouldn’t be happening. He leads out of good intention not a show of force. Remember, wifely submission is not synonymous with abuse. Ever. Period. If you are a victim of abuse and need resources, click here.
My Journey, Trials&Tribulations
Now, time to get real with it. I am not amazing at this. I do not do everything I am told without question, I do not always trust, I rarely nag, but I do….
I began this vintage journey as mentioned on January 1, 2017. I have really learned a lot in these months letting go of a lot of control and allowing him more space to be a man.
It’s okay to completely flub this up. True Trust, for many, is a hard thing to do. What matters is that you are taking a step in the right direction towards trust. And hey, if you screw up, apologize! He will appreciate it, and see that you are trying.
It is probably best not to mention, “Hey, I’m just gonna be submissive now.” Not because it’s wrong, but actions speak louder than words. Trust me, he will begin to notice your trust in him. He will begin to flourish and your dance will become beautiful and synchronized. Your relationship will flourish.
Stay Tuned for Part 2!