A Marital Dance Part 2: What Letting the Man Lead Looks Like

Letting Him Be a Man

So, after last week, you may be asking, “Well, how do I let my husband lead? How do I let my man be…a man?”

Today, I offer my perspective, and a male perspective other than my husband, to broaden the conversation on the subject. Paul uses Facebook to discuss topics relating to the traditional lifestyle, along with searching for the love of a traditional Catholic woman. He had some very interesting insights to the male mind.

So…listen up ladies!

I have to remind you again, I am still on this journey, and I’m not perfect, but there are some ideals to strive for. Remember, there is a difference between submission and abuse. I cannot stress this enough. If you are being physically abused, this is not the answer to save your relationship. If you are a victim of abuse or domestic violence click here.

Paul, from My Catholic Wife says, “Each man is different, but leadership within a family is mainly about respect. If you are respectful to your husband, he’s more likely to be emotionally available to you.”

Let Go of Control

This is the part where most women have a hard time.  “Yeah, but….” comes to mind. Every time that comes to mind,  ask yourself, “Would he do anything to endanger the children and I?” Certainly, the answer is no. If it isn’t NO, then maybe do some evaluation of your relationship.

Do not interchange the word “endanger” with a man who makes a mistake. I had mentioned this point last week. A MAN is a man, not God. If you need a refresher on part 1, read here.

What He Says, Goes

So, with this in mind, stop trying to wear the pants in your home. What he says, goes. If he says no, let that be the final word. I’m a repeat offender on trying to convince my husband otherwise. Let me tell ya, I am working on it, but when I badger him, it doesnt end well.

That might lead to another question.”Yeah…but……what if he is wrong?”  It might lead to, “What if I don’t agree?”

Let’s go over a simple scenario.

Rosemary reached for her handbag. “Dear, I think we should get going so we are not late to Bible Study.”

Henry shook his head, “Nah. We don’t have to leave for another 15 minutes sweetheart.”

Rosemary disagreed, but she waited. It turned out, they arrived at the church 10 minutes late.

As an adult man, Henry realized that he was the reason they were late, and he took her hand as they found their seat. He was not the type of man to apologize, but he knew he would never make that mistake again.

Rosemary knew he learned his lesson, and saw the error in his ways, so she said nothing and they moved on with the evening.

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It could have gone like this…

Rosemary reached for her handbag. “Dear, I think we should get going so we are not late to Bible Study.”

Henry shook his head, “Nah. We don’t have to leave for another 15 minutes sweetheart.”

Rosemary got angry, and threw her bag down. “Damn it, Henry, don’t you know that it takes longer to get to church during rush hour? This isn’t Sunday church travel time.”

He looked back at his paper. “I have it under control.”

“No you don’t! You never listen to me!!!!! I said we need to go.”

Henry slammed his newspaper down, tired of her unladylike nagging attitude. He grabbed the keys and they headed to Bible Study. They fought all the way to church, and the evening was now soured. Buuuuttt, they made it on time.

Was it worth it?????

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I was not raised in a home that was that sort of traditional.  So, this life change is just that, a life change.

Now, back to the scenario. Do you see how a nice evening was lost just because Rosemary decided to take on a nagging tone? In example 2, there was no hand holding…it was lost intimacy…all over being late to a Bible Study. Was it worth it?

Sure, in example one, she was made late, but they were able to move on with the evening. Besides, seeing that he was wrong…chances are he won’t make that same mistake again. And no, all men don’t apologize, but don’t get hung up on it. A REAL man knows when he is wrong. You will see the change in his action, because to most men, action is required not words.  Sure, an apology would feel victorious, but again, not worth the argument. Is your ego worth a ruined evening?

To this Paul adds, “Girls that nag their man reduce his own view that you view his authority as being limited or ineffective. Men hate hate HATE feeling like failures. One of the absolute cardinal rules a wife should have is never tear down your husband in front of the kids or anyone else. If you have a disagreement, do it away from children, friends, etc.”

Your Voice Will Be Heard

Notice, Rosemary spoke her opinion. This is perfectly acceptable. Women are allowed to have ideas. But as my husband says about himself, “As the man of the house, the buck stops with me.” So, sure I make my opinion known, kindly. When he makes a different decision, just as he said, the buck stops with him. He realizes the results are his responsibility. I’m not going to lie, this is easier said than done at times. I can be quite outspoken sometimes. Work in progress here.

Now from a male perspective, the way to open a dialogue when you disagree, “…I’ve found that women that say ‘what do you think about xxxx?’ are more likely to get their husband’s ear.

When the man assumes control, the woman follows him, dutifully and with love. Guess what ladies? He might be wrong sometimes, but think about how much less you will have to worry about when he takes charge, and how much more time you will be able to spend focusing on the well being of the family, and the happiness of a home. You will no longer have to fret about things going wrong and you being stuck trying to find a solution. That is all him now.

Let Go. Try it. For more on the male perspective visit My Catholic Wife.