Inner Strength By Genesis Medrano
Note From The Strong Homemaker
I asked a friend of mine to write of her inner strength! She is a wonderful woman who has gone through a lot. I have watched her morph from a distance, seeing her grow stronger, to speak her truth. Being a Strong Homemaker isn’t linear. It DOES NOT always look the same for everyone. You can be a working mom, a single mom, a stay at home mom…..That just means you wear many hats. To be a strong homemaker requires grit. It requires the ability to fall down and get back up. Genesis Medrano is a strong homemaker, and strong woman. I invited her here to show you that you can be strong, no matter what your situation.
Originally, when I was asked to write this for The Strong Homemaker blog I had a three page essay, which ended up being more about life events than how I came to understand my self-worth. I tend to overthink, and definitely experienced that while writing this, so I want to make it known that there were major life events that led me to become the woman I am today. However, I will not dive into great detail to make you understand. In case I do change my mind, I have kept that draft, but I believe it is best saved for later.
Self Worth and Identity Issues
I struggled with my self-worth and identity growing up. I felt intimidated by others that were able to simply be themselves. In my head, everyone else had their identity figured out and they did not struggle like I did. As a young girl, my parents would always tell me, “just be yourself and stop trying to be like everyone else.”I never understood what they meant as a young girl. They made me feel so unsure of myself as a kid. I admired my friends, more than I should have, and definitely more than myself. I began putting their comfortability and happiness before my own. The last thing I wanted was to be the reason why someone was upset. I never thought who I was would ever be good enough. So I made myself small. I bottled the little girl version of me inside. It was etched in my mind that I was not good enough, that I was not worthy.
Effects and Making Change
Later on, this belief affected many friendships and even romantic relationships. When it came to my friendships, in my head I was constantly anxious. Worried that my friends did not like me and I had to mimic their mannerisms in order to be accepted. Whenever I showed a glimpse of being secure, it was portrayed as me being “stuck up.” At least that is what my parents would say. So I made myself small again.
When it came to my romantic relationships, I tended to accept whatever was given, even though I knew I deserved better. But believing I deserved better came with the possible loss of the love the person I was dating was giving me. An irrational thought I set to be true. It came with the possibility of being hated and having to be alone. I chose to put whoever I dated before myself each time. Not knowing I was allowed to set boundaries and that it was okay for someone to lose me. Honestly, I did not believe I was worth losing. I put up with mistreatment and the bare minimum many times in romantic relationships.
Today, I am different. I do not put up with the bare minimum and I no longer settle for mistreatment. Why? What happened that shifted this in me? I, finally, chose myself; which encouraged me to end a bad marriage. When I chose myself I was terrified. I was afraid of what it meant to choose me but I was ready to face it. Face being alone. Something I realized I avoided many times.
After I chose myself, better things came with it. Even if it meant losing people along the way. I no longer made myself small or chose to accept less because I felt bad for the other person. I used to feel like I was too much and I needed to tame myself or even make myself smaller in order to be loved. In order to be worthy of good love. But I was wrong. I was choosing to settle for the bare minimum. I realigned my focus on myself and my relationship with my daughter (yes I am a mommy). The major choice today that has kept me afloat was focusing on spirituality and healing my inner child. Standing up for the little girl that’s inside of me.
I Feel Empowered
I went from Buddhism, to just being spiritual to now being a Muslim. I feel the most empowered and in control today because I am calling the shots. I also recognized after getting back into writing poetry, reading and shifting my focus on spirituality to learn to see myself for how great I am. To see myself for the amazing woman that I am becoming. To place my self worth in my own hands not at the hands of others. That I am actually enough. I am worthy of the best of the best that this world has to offer. To not expect anyone other than me first to give me what I deserve. To treat me the way I deserve. It all starts with us. From within us.
I learned that it was okay to place boundaries, it was okay to outgrow people, and it was okay to change, to be born again. I had to also learn to give myself more grace. Because at the end of the day I am only human and I’ll forever learn as I go. Now I choose myself daily so that the future me is proud. To conclude, I found my self worth over time. By choosing to have the courage to choose my happiness. It takes courage honestly. I used to be so afraid to choose me but now every day that passes I do and I’m forever thankful.