Don’t Discourage Kindness from A Masculine Male
According to Gary Chapman, author of the 5 Languages of Love, there are five ways people show love. What of this is your Language of Love?
- Gift Giving
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Acts of Service
- Words of Devotion
As a couple, it is important that we recognize our partner’s Love Language. Here is a great video on Love Language by Iyanla Vanzant, a renowned Life Coach.
Speaking Different Languages
This brings me to my next point. Many masculine males function on Acts of Service as their language of love. My husband is one of those people, especially since he came home from Iraq. I won’t lie to you. When he first came home, I just wanted him to hug me. I just wanted him to say nice things to me. I did not understand his new language of love of Acts of Service. The reality was, during his time overseas he really came into his own. His reality taught him that the way a man conducts himself and holds true to his words and convictions was much more important than patting me on the head and telling me how pretty I was. I am in NO WAY saying that a man who shows love through any other method is NOT a man. This was just his interpretation on reality.
The Wrong Response Could Cost You
Speaking of Acts of Service, the other day he made dinner for me. I had such a busy day that he made this kind gesture. Understanding it was him showing love, I accepted this kindness. Dinner was delicious, by the way. However after dinner, when he retreated to his mancave…I walked into the kitchen to THIS. Look at this! Sauce everywhere! Now, my internal reaction was anger, annoyance, irritation.
For a moment, I looked at it. Then, in my annoyance, I realized something. If I were to stomp down to his mancave and get upset about how he left his horrifying mess. . .would that not discourage him from ever helping me again? Would it not be stomping on the way that he shows love?
In any language of love, it is a moment where your husband is opening up. Showing love is tender, it is a moment of vulnerability. Let me break this down in more of a easy to understand example using the “Gift Giving” language.
John knew Sally had longed for some nice jewelry. He spent six months saving for a diamond tennis bracelet for her. Finally, one day, he came home from work, box in hand, complete with a bow. John could not have been any more excited as he walked in the door. She opened the box, and her eyes dropped. “OH ITS SO UGLY!” She exclaimed. He spent 6 months saving for this bracelet, and did not even get a thank you, instead was hurt by her reaction.
Real World Application
Now, apply it to my kitchen mess. My husband went out of his way, out of his comfort zone, ignoring his pain, ignoring things he may have wanted to do in order to make my day easier. Can you imagine if I berated him with insults about how disgusting my kitchen was? Instead, I cleaned it up, without a word. In reality, he made my life much easier.
Ladies, the thing we must remember about our spouse, whether you are submissive or not is that we all have different ways of showing love, different ways of coming to the same end result. We may speak different languages of love.Things may not always turn out the way they would if you did them. That is okay. It is very important to think about the intent. By berating him for it not going “your way” you may just be discouraging a man from showing such love and kindness for fear of your anger and loathing.
